Sari Gabbay

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the countdown to atonement

Every year on a sunny fall day, I am faced with the same 24 hours, as I count down to Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement. I think there is a grave misenterpretation about what this day really is, it’s funny because I have often heard all the descriptions which to me definitely gives the wrong impression. “It’s a day of fasting, it’s a day that God decides if we live or die next year, it’s a day of forgiveness, it’s a day of feeling bad about your sins… etc etc.”

What I do during the 25 hours of this holiday is something that I look forward to every year. Yes not eating or drinking any water is not desireable but let’s face it, I’ve willingly done many cleanses in the past to shed a few pounds and lord knows after my trip to Italy I could sure use it. In addition to that, I shut off all communication from the outside world. No TV, no phone, no computer and yes friends NO FACEBOOK!. Now many of my tribe born brothers and sisters pretty much do this every Saturday (minus the fasting). I however am not so diligent. So when Yom Kippur comes along I am instantly reminded that the day awaits where I get to discover again what it means to be beyond this physical plane.

It’s a day completely dedicated to: prayer, discussions, thoughts, internal reflection and quiet. I build my own retreat right inside my home. To me it’s feels like I have physically removed myself from the rest of the world and am completely surrounded with my own bubble and I have stepped outside the Matrix.

I’m not going to tell you that doing this alone is easy and frankly I don’t feel that I have reached my spiritual pinnacle yet to say that I would enjoy being alone for 25 hours in this state of being, so I’m grateful that my husband shares this experience with me, with complete acceptance and devotion.

“Devotion” that’s a great word for tomorrow. Really devoting myself to God, to myself and to my soul. I wish everyone had the same experience. This day people say you reflect on your sins, but I believe that you reflect on your entire life, great and not so great! Life is not about trying to change the past, life is about remembering and knowing how we could be better and using every moment of every day striving to that goal.

I believe that our life keeps a spiritual checklist where all the things we did in our journey to expand the universe is “written down”, and all the things we did that made us fall short is “written down”. When we die the list get’s tallied and it’s not about whether we go to the proverbial heaven or hell. More so when we cross over and our perception changes and we are closer to the truth, that list is going to create a huge impact on us. One that will define how we overcome our actions and as a result what kind of heaven or hell do we create in our new found consciousness.

That’s just my opinion. I also believe that as long as we are on this earth, we have the ability to influence that list as much as possible. Who we are, how we react, what we do. So for the next 25 hours I grill myself, I look at my ego straight into his face and remember all the times I felt; angry, hurt, victimized, depressed, sad, jealous, fearful, doubtful… and I pray, that for the next year I transform those feelings into my spiritual consciousness and act on what I know to be my truth and not what I react from ego. That any one or all of those feelings be converted to love and acceptance and no matter how difficult I keep that awareness in the front of my mind.

And that’s my atonement.

Good luck to all my Jewish peeps! however you acknowledge this holiday, I wish you peace of heart and peace of mind and the awareness that every day, we have the oportunity to create, to decide, to be free and to LIVE!

and everyone else, you don’t need a religion to create your inner sanctuary… but you know that already 😉

CHATIMAH TOVA! – May you be blessed



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